Blog 2 - Sicko

Sicko in 2 ways.

1st - Apparantly at the age of 33 I've got asthma. What the fuck? Don't you have to be a frail 6 year old to have asthma? Not a fat bald bastard. The last 2 nights I've been hacking up my lungs to the point where I threw up, which I put down to a chest infection that has seemed to linger on since about October (and which I reckon is more than a little to do with the air-con at work which I swear was fitted by Bin-Laden Conditioning whom you can find at Ricin.Com). So I toddle off to the doctors and he says it's more likely that I need to take a daily preventative asthma thing to stop me coughing like Benedict Arnold on truth serum. He's shoved me on anti-biotics to clear the initial problem but in a couple of weeks I have to go to asthma clinic. I may just have broken the first two rules of asthma clinic, as the first rule is you don't talk about asthma clinic. I forget the second...

2nd - Where's the line? I've always thought that anything and everything is fair game in terms of talking about, thinking about etc. Taboos are things other people use to attract attention with their fussiness and lack of mental sophistication. "You can't say that" usually guarantees that as soon as possible I will not only say "that" but I'll make the crudest possible joke about it. And if you think these observations will end with me saying something along the lines of "but this shocked even me", you'd be wrong because I'm still an all-encompassing purveyor of anything "wrong". As such, please have a look at these two wonderful examples of moral ambiguity to see if you're just as sick as me.

The first is Pandemic 2. Try Googling it, or select it in Flash Games. (For some reason I can't get links to work on here yet). It's a free game, the point of which is to launch a viral, bacterial or parasitic attack on humanity. You are given a start region, say North Africa, and some basic symptoms, such as Coughing, Sneezing, Fever etc with the idea to spread that mutated puppy to all four corners of the globe. You then have Infection Points which you can distribute on adding symptoms to your Superdisease, (Ebola is possible but you need a hell of a lot of infection points) and the more people you can infect, the more points you get. As well as adding symptoms you can make the disease more resistant to drugs, moisture, heat and cold, again by the use of points, and finally you can aid it's distribution by making it airborne, waterborne, insect driven or spread by rodents. It's a horrific idea on every level, as the ultimate goal of the game is to develop a disease that kills every last bloody person in the world. What freak comes up with this? A fucking genius that's who. The game is great, seriously addictive and very user-friendly. Should I be enjoying it as much as I am? Probably not in most peoples eyes. Does that bother me? Not as much as the fact that I can't seem to get the virus to spread to Mozambique before they shut the airports... Anyway, have a go, it's wicked.

The second is the work of Stephen Lynch, a real guilty pleasure. Lynch is a singing comedian and dabbles in the darker side of humour that shocks the more puritanical. I won't say any more than that, but for gods sake check him out on YouTube. Start with Grandfather or Talk To Me and then see if you don't want to watch everything else he's ever done.

Go on Sicko's, you know you want to... Join me...